Woman Logic 101

We’ve all experienced some or other repercussion from a woman’s illogical brain. Now before you go bashing me for being sexist or a chauvinistic pig, let’s look at some examples of woman logic. These are all snippets from potential conversations with females if they spoke the truth (and by truth I mean 100% no bullshit truth, not the wish-wash half-lies we’re all subjected to).

“Women should get the exact same treatment as men! Oh, except with working conditions, social norms, chivalry and pretty much everything to do with the law, we’ll take preference there thank you very much”

“Well, I’m a girl, you have to ask me out and let me embarrass you and pay for all my stuff and like, make a lot of sacrifices for me. But I’m a woman, not an object, I demand respect and I don’t want any sexist crap. I might cheat on you but that is your fault, you need to work hard to keep me happy”, and if I ever catch you cheating, even if the waitress is flirting with you I will get a divorce and take the house, kids and the money. You know I will win the case even though I’m a shitty parent and the kids love you more, but I’m a woman so I deserve this stuff. And don’t get sexist with me either or I’ll get *insert bigger /older male relative* to beat you up”

Nice huh? Here are but two examples from my own personal bin of dumb shit girls have told me, we’ll call them both “Sexist Susie”, SS for short,

SS: I’m not talking to you. you’ve got some serious making up to do, you cheated on me, IN THE DREAM I HAD LAST NIGHT”

SS: I want a man with nice abs, a nice car, he must be romantic, and must be able to take care of me

M: I like a woman who can cook

SS: OMG you’re such a sexist

Now given, these are but three examples of “woman logic”, but you get the point, and on the off chance that a female is reading this blog, you can politely raise your hand and admit that this is all true in the privacy of your office/home desk. We men are but simple creatures. We don’t need you to stroke our egos, and make a big fuss over something like this, just admit that your general woman logic is flawed and stop doing and saying these silly things.

Now you may think that I’m being bitter over a breakup or that I’m gay and hate females. Let me reassure you, neither is the case. I forgot what the point of this post was. Hmmmm . . . . . .