Rejected status updates

I’m not a racist, I’m a bigot, I hate everything and everyone equally

What’s black and has 27 breasts? The rubbish bag outside the cancer clinic

I’m a porn script writer, the pay sucks but the hours are good

I’m tired of just being wanted for my amazing body and enormous package, why can’t women like me for my personality and brain, they’re so hurtful

French me like one of your jack girl’s paint

What do you call an alligator in a vest? Investigator

Arguing with the unintellectual is like playing chess with a pigeon; no matter how good you are at chess, the pigeon is just going to knock over the pieces, crap on the board, and strut around like it’s victorious

I don’t hate fat people. I also don't hate people who cut themselves or have depression. Be that as it may, self-harm should not be encouraged. It should be fought against, healed, and prevented.

Women are like public toilets, they're all dirty except for the disabled ones

If there’s anything we've learnt from the titanic, it’s that even just a tip can ruin your virgin voyage

‘I love it when women go to school. It’s like seeing a monkey on roller skates; it means nothing to them, but it’s so adorable for us’ - Admiral General Aladeen

There are certain moments in life that one will never forget, moments that touch you on a deeper level, my moment was when I realised I’m definitely going to hell

Friday is my second favourite F word

Dubstep - the sound of robot rape

Sometimes I wish for a zombie apocalypse, just so I can shoot people in the face

Did I walk into a garden? Cause all I see is hoes

Are you an archaeologist? Cause I got a large bone for you to examine

Do black people know that the rest of us call each other ‘NIGGAAAAHHHH’ all the time when they're not around

Zombies - loving women for their brains since 1976

‘It wouldn't be a lemon party without old dick!" - richard lemon

Girls, please, advice from a normal guy, don’t try throwing flirtatious glances at us in the gym. 9/10 we're sweating in the most ungodly places and couldn't care less about you. You would have better results standing over us shouting 'squat lower faggot'

‘Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful’ - Seneca the younger